heres whats been happening with me

Hi everyone! I just wanted to catch up with you all and tell ya whats going on for me at the moment :) I haven't posted in a while, well its actually not really a long time only about a month. But for me it feels like an eternity. I've still been here and viewing your posts I just haven't had the energy to comment. That may sound pathetic but I have a wee bit of explaining to do. I tried to say it a few months back HERE but I really want to just let out what I feeling at the moment, not a rant. If it was it would be a boring one >.< But I just want you to know what's going on for me :)

So when my school year started in feb 2015 I went to school excited to see my friends and ready to start my 2nd year of high school :) I think in the USA it would be Sophomore.. Year 10 for me :) But after a few weeks I began to feel really tired like I was recovering from a cold, but I didn't have a cold. After about 2 months of that the headaches started. Right behind my left eye and between my eyes. On top of the tiredness I was becoming a mess! So by June I was admitted into hospital where I had a MRI scan to see if anything was wrong. They found a cyst the size of maybe a golf ball in my temporal lobe. Don't ask me what that means coz I don't really know. The doctors don't think that's what causing the symptoms so I've been trying migraine medication. 

Due to my illness I've had to stop my extra-curricular activities; choir, piano and viola lessons. I've also had to stop going to school. This has been hard for me because all my family and friends are going on with their lives and I'm sitting in my bed too tired to do much and if I do I get wicked headaches. I feel like I'm stuck in a foggy ball and I can't get out. I have constant pressure in my head and then occasional headaches. Luckily the migraine medicine seems to be helping a bit. My friendships have changed, my interests you could say have changed because I haven't been able to pursue them as i had been before. My recent trip to America was annoyingly clouded by headaches and fatigue, having to stay in the car or as soon as we got to people's house's having to sleep. I've felt like I've been stripped of everything, not being able to do much as been terrible.

The reason I'm telling you all this is because at the moment there's the social media trend of people confessing that they weren't showing who they really are on the internet. And I think I've been showing myself of my blog as who I am. But I wasn't really telling you guys how I feeling or only showing my happy side. To me I wasn't anyway. I've also been seeing so many people leave the blogging community and earlier this year I felt like stopping my blog. But then I saw all my dolls lined up smiling at me and I saw all my toys on my shelf and I knew that they have been the one thing that I've been able to get some joy out of. Being able to see all your beautiful photography has just made me really want to put more effort into my photography. Even though I may not be able to put up pictures once a week or even once a month, I want to still take pics of my dolls and collect figures and enjoy them. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that. I've been unhappy with my posts lately because I feel super bad about not putting any content out and so I drag myself out of the house to my messy backyard and take a few photos but I'm so tired that I get about 5 pics done and by the time it comes to posting only 1 or 2 are able to be posted. That's not the joy of toy blogging. It feels like a chore more than an awesome hobby.. and then I get upset because they aren't the quality that I want them to be.

So this year has been a big hurdle for me to climb over, and I'm still climbing over it and probably will be next year. But I just want you to know that I still love dolls and this community even with its ups and downs. I will try my level best to post photos whether they be of American Girl dolls or barbies or Zelfs or whatever other toys I have in my room. But most of all I want to be honest with you :) I want to be able to log onto my blog and feel so good about sharing my thoughts and feelings and my average doll photos and know that my friends are listening ;) I know I've never met any of you but you guys are the only people who understand that a new girl of the year is flipping exciting! Or drool over amazing ETSY buys and hunt around for fun little things we can add to our collections:) So I think of you has a friend :)

So to conclude, I haven't been very well this year and since I've had a lot of spare time I've been thinking about this blog and it's future and the future of my doll collecting and photographing. And for now I will put effort into every post, even if that means that I can't post as frequently, I will not just post because I feel like I have to put something up. I also just want you guys to know that If you're feeling pressured about posting on your blog or are unhappy about your pics or posts. Just take a breather, try and figure out what is bothering you and address it. if it's that you're unhappy with the quality of your photos (which was happening to me) Look at other peoples photography and see how they take their pics and try out some of their methods, find your strengths and focus on them! Many people get annoyed at themselves or their posts and don't really know why so they just leave the community. Doll photography is a hobby and hobbies are there to be enjoyed. So enjoy it! Find out what your not enjoying and change it :)
So yesterday I looked my AG dolls and saw they hadn't been changed in about 3 months, so I pulled put my doll clothes box and by hair accessory box and gave each one of my dolls a bit of TCL and then stood them on a stool and had a mini photoshoot. The pics aren't amazing but it's going to take practice to where you wanna get to.

I'm sorry if this post is all other the place, I'm just writing down what comes to my head and lately I've found it harder to put together paragraphs and such :) I love you all and hope that you have a wonderful holidays and if you guys wanna talk just comment down below or email me at: agfernfriends@gmail.com  I'd love to talk to you :-*
-Lydia